We Should Call Ourselves “United States Americans”

Ed Reynolds

September 16, 2021

As an American, I believe in the Holy Trinity of America.

That trinity is Jesus Christ, the US Constitution and the greatest heavy metal band of all time, Metallica.

Believing in these things makes you what I would call…

A United States American.

Go ahead and try it out.

“I am a United States American.” Man it feels so good to identify with with your native birth country founded by your fathers. In fact, there are some great ways to verbally exercise your newfound birthright as a United States American.

“Hey pal, I’m a United States American. You want me to wear a f***ing mask? Then put it on me yourself, jack off!”

“Oh wow, you’re from Europe? That means you suck ding dongs right? I’m a United States American, asshole!”

“Dude, I like pussy, guns and metal. What are you, gay? I’m a United States American!”

“Communism is for pussy mouth dick nose retards named “Gaybriel Gape”. Not United States Americans like me, punk!”

“I lift weights and bang to metal buddy. I’m a United States American!”

I can literally do this all day because it’s totally awesome and feels so damn good.

Try it out!